


The Afterlife

by airspaniel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, House M.D.
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Near Death Experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-25
Updated: 2007-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-19 12:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airspaniel/pseuds/airspaniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens in the space between life and death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Afterlife

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here.](http://yumemiru-kikai.livejournal.com/13344.html)

As it turned out, the afterlife was a train station. A big, white train station.

House rubbed his eyes. This was all way too symbolic for his tastes.

“Now, Gregory,” a deep voice began from somewhere to his right, “What in the world would possess you to try and kill yourself?”

“Maybe I was just curious,” he snarked honestly. “Who are you supposed to be? God?” The last word was spit with such sarcasm and disdain, that House was genuinely surprised when the voice laughed.

“Oh, not hardly.” A man with a long white beard strode into his field of vision. He was old, but House couldn’t be sure how old, and he was wearing what seemed to be an ornately embroidered bath robe. It’s like the love child of Hugh Hefner and Howard Hughes.

The man shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. “Me? I’m just an old wizard. Albus Dumbledore, at your service.”

“A wizard, huh? Shouldn’t you be off wearing a pointy hat and waving a wand at something?”

He laughed again, a full, rich sound, and House was almost charmed despite himself. “Well, perhaps my hat isn’t as pointed as it once was, but I am an old man now. As for wands, I certainly have one of those. Would you like to see it?”

House stared incredulously. “Are you coming on to me? Because I have to say, you’re not exactly my type.”

Dumbledore stepped closer, bright eyes twinkling. “As tempting as that may be… No, I’m merely here to guide you back. You see, your work isn’t finished yet, and so you must return.”

“So then what was the point of this? Is this _really_ what happens when you die? Some horny old wizard shows up and tells you to go back?”

“No, Gregory, that’s what happens when _you_ die. Apparently.”

“But why?”

The wizard smiled, “I don’t know. This is all in _your_ head. If anyone should know why, it’s you.”

House recoiled, “So none of this is real.”

“Why is it so difficult for people to grasp? It is real, my dear boy, I assure you. Just because it’s in your head doesn’t make it any less so.”

House climbed to his feet, a slightly awkward movement without his cane. “Right. Well, I guess I should be getting back. Thanks for the no-help-at-all, Mister…”

“Dumbledore.”

“Dumbledore, right.” He turned around, wondering how the hell he was supposed to get out of here.

“Oh, Gregory?” the wizard called, and House looked back over his shoulder, expecting a word of assistance.

“Fancy a shag before you go?”

House’s expression was inscrutable, a mixture of complete disgust and morbid curiosity.

“No thanks,” he replied, “I’m good.”

“All right then,” Dumbledore waved cheerily. “Be seeing you!”

\-----

“And then there was another white light, and I woke up in the ER.”

Wilson buries his face in his hands, sighing heavily.

“What, you don’t believe me?” House rails overdramatically. “You asked me to tell you what I saw, and…”

“You know what?” Wilson cuts him off, “I don’t care anymore.” He stands up, leaning over the desk. “If you really want to talk about it, you know where to find me.”

House smirks, “Would you believe choirs of angels, the pearly gates, and all that? Because it turns out the archangel Gabriel is a real dick.”

The door shuts slowly as Wilson leaves.


End file.
